A Zombies Guide To Wine

Wine: Chardonnay

Region: California 

Alcohol: 13.5%

Oak: American and French Oak Barrel & Stainless Steel 

Price: 18 bones

Zombie Score:  4 Pitchforks

Tasting Notes from the Catacombs:

Upon pouring this wine, right out of the gate, I was immediately overwhelmed by the aromas of fresh cut pineapples & Pina Colada. Still brimming with papaya & kiwi, this wine takes off and does not stop.  The flavors scream   tropics and land elegantly with a caramel vanilla creme brulee topping.

I think this is one to watch out for.

What I mean by that is that this wine will turn on you like a dirty little werewolf. You sip on one glass and you may find yourself saying …

‘oh how cute, what a fresh little Chardonnay’. Then, before you know it…. the lil guy turns on ya and the wine becomes more like…

 ’Easy Tiger, now just take it easy… slow down..’ 

Soon you’ll find Taylor Lautner in your house imprinting on you and 3 bottles are long gone.This wine is too easy to drink, one must be careful not to wake the beast in the night.

Memory Rapture:

I will never forget the first time I heard Ozzy Osbourne. It was 1986, I was riding my skateboard listening to my walkman. (I am pretty sure I was listening to was the Christian Glam Rock band Stryper at the time).

Rolling down the sidewalk I found a box at the edge of a driveway labeled ’ Free Stuff ‘.  I rummaged through it like any punk kid would and thumbed through all of the tapes. 

Abba, Steely Dan, Michael Jackson (I pocketed that one for later), and then came across Ozzy’s -Blizzard of Oz Album…song ‘Shot in the Dark’

I popped in the cassette and hit play. My life immediately changed upon hearing Ozzy’s voice. I played that album over and over again. The hypnotic tones and frequencies led me to the local 7-11 where they were celebrating a new flavor of slurpee ‘Pina Colada’. 

Being a Coke flavor Slurpee lover myself, I was skeptical. Really how could this be any good. But for some reason my new found love for Ozzy had me believe that anything could happen. I got the small - you guessed it. I loved it!

Fast forward 20 odd years and this became a summer tradition every year since. Listening to Ozzy, sipping on a Pina Colada Slurpee. 

This wine brought me back to that first memory. 

Random Slurpee Fact

Canadians purchase an average of 30 million drinks per year. Despite its status as a very cold city and with a population of only 700,000,^[4] Winnipeg, Manitoba was crowned the Slurpee Capital of the World for the twelfth time in a row in 2011. 7-Eleven stores across Winnipeg sell an average of 188,833 Slurpee drinks per month. The rest of Canada sells an average of 179,700 per month, which makes Winnipeggers the world leader of Slurpee sales. Unlike their counterparts in America, Canadian Slurpees are not injected with air.

(Source: spellboundwines.com)

Wine: 2009 Abstract 

Region: California (Mostly Sonoma)

Alcohol: 15.7%

Varietal(s): Grenache,  Petite Sirah, Syrah

Cooperage: French oak / 10 months

Price: 25 bones

Zombie Score: 90 Torches

Notes from the Catacomb Cellar:  Get ready to storm the cellars for this one! Grab it - open it and discover the explosion of exotic spice, blackberry & sweet cherry pie all rolled up in this elaborate wine trap. Gorgeous overtones of sweet pipe tobacco brimming in a weighty mid-palated texture that puffs up the chest. There is an inkiness about this wine that is both in sight and in the flavor that I totally resonate with leading it to the finish. The end of this wine is screaming to be longer - but perhaps the shortness was purposed & planned for you to keep sipping. Just for the record, I drooled this wine until it was gone…did I need the long finish? Harldy. An epic ambush of a wine!

Memory Rapture:  Tasting this wine screamed TATTOO INK & totally took me back to when I went to go get my first tattoo with my old friend Ted Larsen. We were both playing in punk rock bands in Canada at that time and knew that it was time to get some ink. Now I needed to get psyched up before just walking in to the tattoo parlour & Ted knew that the only thing that would get my blood pumping was listening to the band Grim Reaper. Metal shredding face melting guitar and wailings. 

Every time I taste this wine - I will think of getting my ink with no regrets! 

If I could introduce the Abstract Wine Maker David Phinney to Steve Grimmett of Grim Reaper I would…

Mr. Steve Grimmett please meet…. Mr. Dave Phinney